Persuasive Writing Why We Should Fix Our Field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing 
Here is my piece of my writing about why we should fix our field.

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	FIX OUR FIELD NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!!!!!
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I strongly think we really need to fix our field NOW NOW NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	I think that we should fix our field because we need to keep fit,train for cross country, rippa rugby, soccer,and much more. So please  fix  our field.
	Secondly, we might not have the gala because we won’t  have   space for the bouncy castle etc. + We need drainage so we can have the delicious hangi but if it is boggy all the time we won’t be able to have these lovely things and we won’t be able to get enough money for the school to upgrade.
	Thirdly, we don’t have enough space to play and have fun. Only being able to use the concrete is a hazard for injuries and also we are crowded into the little space that we have.
	Lastly some of the equipment in the PE shed can’t be used. We have expensive sports gear that isn’t being used and that's a waste of money.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion we need to  fix our field now  because we need it for the  gala, training for sport  and for space to play.  For these reasons we need to fix our field.